Everything familiar becomes unfamiliar after I decide to make this journey. I'm like being pulled out of my body and watching that "me" working, living, talking to others and preparing for the trip. I spend my day as usual but have different eyes on everything, everybody around. My body is still in Taiwan, but my mind is already on the way.
Every now and then I try to imagine, how it could be if what I'm hearing, what I'm seeing are totally different from what I'm used to. Signs become Vietnamese. Pedestrians turn out brown haired and blue eyed. It seems like all the police around being interested in putting me in the custody. I'm not so sure those feelings are mind-preparations or heart-scared, but they're interesting though. They make me deeply understand again that how much I have on hands and how much happiness I own. Indeed, gentlemen, it's wonderful to go to your office as usual, complain this and complain that, work hard to save some money, bear those mom's chatter and have some meeting or exercise with friends. I don't know how many of you would be truly admire what I'm going to do, but I do envy you all for keeping on going through your daily life.
I have read about many things happening on many travelers. I'm always wondering what I would do if I were them. Can I really solve those problems? The feeling of being on scenes soon is different from how pictures and sounds could bring to me, like movies. There is real expectation and real fear. They hit me punch by punch, sometimes jeer at me slightly: come! if you really want adventures. This time there's no way that you could stand outside. Everything could be happening, and you won't have any single chance to pause or reset.
I was not very sure about this decision when I just made it. That idea was just strong enough to speak it out. So I told my family and friends as early as I could, to let them and myself have some time to prepare for it. Each time when I told a new person, I also challenged myself again: Do I really have made up my mind? Do I really know what I could be at the end?
Human mind is truly a miracle. My brain spent most of the time thinking about work, visa, insurance and something material like these, and my mind was preparing little by little unconsciously in the meanwhile. Little by little I was getting more mental awareness. I would try to make myself a foreigner while walking on the street. I would ask myself what I should do(in other countries) when I'm showering, sick or taking the bus, what I should do if it's too cold, if I got serious illness, if there're lots of bad guys around. I didn't really notice those process going in my mind until I felt myself getting more and more prepared after telling my coming trip to a new person and challenging myself again and again. When I got more mental preparation, material problems would get easier to solve, and unable solving problems would be let go. After such a long time preparation, I'm still on this way. I guess that means I am wanting to do this more than I expected. Now I'm well prepared and just waiting for it happening.
(source：http://image.blog.livedoor.jp/takobayashi626/)
As coach Anzai said: you must have the determination being able to cut your arms if necessary. That's how I feel when I get so close to my dream. That's also something necessary if I want to keep on going. It's necessary to have well-done preparation along with determination as well. Cut arms is listed in the level 6 disability in Taiwan labor insurance, both arm cut is level 3. Make sure that you have good enough insurance.
At the beginning when I face this world, I was so depressed by my ignorance of everything. The history and geography I'd learned from schools seems to be in vain. I start finding more books to read, want to read more and more afterwards, and end up being unable to finish reading. I could just read as much as I can before leaving, then experience the rest in person on the way. I should well record my feelings and points of view, which is more important than other people's.
4.6 billion years long time had passed. If the lifetime of this planet is a tree, human history is like a tiny bunch of leaves, and I am just a micro-hypha at the very end of one leaf, which hardly to be seen. 2 years, 3 years, 10 years, 100 years....are less than remnants. However great something or someone could be, would be gone with just a finger stirring. There might be even no way to prove it had existed. Don't say that you conquer mountains. You just struggle a few hours there with good equipment. Don't say that you travel around the world. You just exhaust yourself and reach some places. You would be able to see how big the world is, and step on the journey, as long as you truly understand how small you are. Within very limited lifetimes, we try so hard to know if we are, either just the hypha at the end of leaves, or just the fleas on a hairy rabbit, or dead bodies full of pipes plugging in without realizing that we spent all our lives in a tiny computer program.
You might expected what kinds of view I will have toward this world. I'm also expecting your opinions about this world, life, dream and God. Points of view could not change anything, but they are interesting. I hope I won't lose or break my laptop, and I hope this blog won't be closed, so that I could share everything I see and I feel with you all. Namo~~ Namo~~
2010/01/06 Kaohsiung
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